


Cas Meets Dean

by girlsandanimeboys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-12 23:38:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsandanimeboys/pseuds/girlsandanimeboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas lives in a strange town. The cheerleaders ride Harleys, the homecoming queen is a guy named Crowley, and the Gay-Straight Alliance helps straight kids learn how to dance. In Cas's town, everyone is accepted. Cas's life is pretty normal, as normal as life can get around here, until he meets Dean. The one who changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Now Away We Go

**Author's Note:**

> This story is and an AU based off the story Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan. When I first read the book, Paul and Noah immediately reminded me of Cas and Dean, so I decided to write a story about it. The book is written in first person, but this story will be written in third, from Cas's point of view. I hope you enjoy!

9 P.M on a November Saturday. Anna, Alfie, and Cas are out on the town. Alfie’s from the next town over and needs to get out. His parents are extremely religious. It doesn’t even matter what religion. They’re all the same at a certain point, and few of them want a gay boy hanging around with his friends on a Saturday night. So every week, Alfie feeds them bible stories, and on Saturday they show up on his doorsteps, dazzling his parents with their blinding purity. His parents slip him a twenty and tell him to enjoy their study group. They spend the money on romantic comedies, dimestores toys, and diner jukeboxes.

 

Alfie has to be home by midnight, so they’re on a Cinderella mission. With this in mind, they have to keep their eye on the ball.

 

There really isn’t a gay or straight scene in their town. They all got mixed up a while back, which Cas thinks is for the best. When he was in the second grade, the older gay kids who didn’t run to the city for entertainment would try to make their own fun. Now it’s all good. Straight guys try to sneak into the Roadhouse bar. Boys who love boys flirt with girls who love girls. No matter where your heart is, the dance floor is open to whatever you have to offer.

 

This is Cas’s town. He’s lived there his whole life. 

 

Tonight, their Gaystafarian friend Ash has a gig at the local bookstore. Anna has a driver’s license from the state where her grandma lives, so she drives them around in the sedan. They roll the windows down and turn up the radio. They like the idea of their music spilling out over the whole neighborhood, becoming a part of the air. Alfie looks desperate tonight, so they let him control the dial. He changes to a Mope Folk station and they ask him what’s wrong.

 

“I can’t say,” he tells them, and they know what he means. That nameless empty.

 

They try to cheer him up with a blue Slurp-Slurp. They each take turns sipping it, competing to see whose tongue can get the bluest. Once Alfie’s tongue sticks out with them, they know he’s going to be okay.

 

By the time they get to the bookstore, Ash is already playing. His stage is in the European History section. Every now and then, he’ll throw random names into his rap. The place is crowded. A little girl puts her Velveteen Rabbit on her shoulders for a better view. Her moms nod along to Ash’s tune. The Gaystafarian crowd is in the Gardening section, and three straight guys from the lacrosse team stare at a bookstore clerk from Literature. She doesn’t seem to mind. Her glasses are licorice red.

 

Cas moves through the crowd, sharing nods and hellos. Anna grabs him and Alfie, pulling them into Self-Help. He knows Anna brought them here because sometimes you have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore. Even though Alfie’s not a dancer, he dances with them. As Cas has been told before, it’s not about how you look, it’s about how you feel.

 

Ash’s song is infectious. Everyone is dancing. You can see the books on the shelves in kaleidoscope form—spinning colors, a passing blur of words.

 

He sways. He sings. He elevates. His friends are by his side, and Ash is working the Huguenots into his song. He spins around and knocks a few books off the shelf. When the song is over, Cas bends down to pick them up.

 

As he’s picking the books up off the ground, he sees a pair of sneakers.

 

“This yours?” says a voice above the sneakers.

 

Cas looks up, and there he is.

 

His hair points ten different directions. His eyes are huge and really green. There are freckles all over his face.

 

Cas thinks he’s wonderful.

 

He’s holding a book out for him titled, Migraines Are Only in Your Mind.

 

Cas is aware of his breathing. He is aware of his heartbeat. He’s aware that he’s standing a little too close. He takes the book from him.

 

“Thanks,” he says. He puts it back on the shelf. Self-Help can’t help him now.

 

“Do you know Ash?” he asks, nodding to the stand.

 

“No,” the boy answers. “I just came for a book.”

 

“I’m Cas.”

 

“I’m Dean.”

 

Dean shakes his hand. He’s touching his hand. Cas can feel Anna and Alfie keeping their distance.

 

“Do you know Ash?” Dean asks. “His songs are awesome.”

 

“Yeah, we go to school together.” he says casually.

 

“The high school?”

 

“Yes, that one.” Cas looks down. Dean has perfect hands.

 

“I go there, too.”

 

“You do?” Cas can’t believe he’s never seen him. If Cas had seen him, he would have damn well remembered.

 

“Yeah, for two weeks. Are you a senior?”

 

Cas looks down. “I’m a sophomore.”

 

“Cool.”

 

Cas knows there’s nothing cool about being a sophomore. Even new kids know that.

 

“Dean?” a voice interrupts, insistent and expectant. He’s young and has floppy brown hair.

 

“My brother,” he explains, much to Cas’s relief. He walks off. It’s clear that Dean is supposed to follow. 

 

They don’t move for a second. Then Dean says, “I’ll see you around.”

 

Cas is about to say I hope so but then he’s afraid of seeming too forward. Cas can flirt as well as anyone, but this is different. 

 

This matters.

 

“See you,” Cas echoes. Dean leaves as Ash is about to begin another set. When he gets to the door, he turns to look at Cas and smiles. Cas feels himself blush.

 

Suddenly he can’t dance. It’s to dance when your mind is on other things. He could use the dancing to fight them off but he doesn’t want to. He wants to keep this.

 

“So, which way to you think he swings?” Anna asks after the gig.

 

“I think he could be either way.” he replies.

 

Ash is packing up his stuff. They lean against his VW bus. “I think he likes you,” Anna says.

 

“Anna, you thought Inias liked me—and all he wanted to do was copy off my homework.”

 

“This is different. He was in Science Fiction the whole time Ash was playing. Then he saw you and walked over. It wasn’t Self-Help he was after.”

 

He looks at his watch. “It’s almost midnight. Where’s Alfie?”

 

They found a little ways over. He’s lying in the middle of the street, listening to the sound of traffic going by.

 

“Study group’s almost over.” he tells him.

 

“I know.” Standing up he says, “I like it here.”

 

Cas knew Alfie meant more than that. He wanted Alfie to be happy. He knew they weren’t in love with each other, but he still wanted a world where Alfie would shine. 

 

He knew Alfie needed a place. Everybody needed a place where they felt at home. He would tell Alfie this, but he wouldn’t listen. So he stays quiet.

 

“Hey Gay Boy. Hey Alfie. Hey folkie chick.”

 

Cas doesn’t even need to look up. “Hello, Michael.” he says.

 

He walked up just as they’re about to drive out. His car blocks them in. Not out of spite, just obliviousness. Michael’s good at that.

 

“You’re in our way.” Anna points out.

 

“You look pretty tonight,” he replies.

 

Anna and Michael have broken up twelve times in the last few years. Which mean they’ve broken up eleven times. Cas always feels like they’re this close to Reunion Number Twelve.

 

Michael is smart and good looking, but he doesn’t use it to good effect. Even in tenth grade, he thinks he’s the king of our school. 

 

But he’s not so bad. Sometimes he’ll make really insightful comments. Insightful comments can go a long way. Especially with Anna.

 

“Seriously. We gotta go.” she says.

 

They drive into the blue-black, the radio mellow now. Dean is a hazy memory in his mind. He’s losing track of the way he ran his nerves. The giddiness is now becoming a mysterious blur of good feeling.

 

“How come I’ve never seen him before?” he asks.

 

“Maybe you were just waiting for the right moment to notice.” says Alfie. 

 

Cas thinks he’s right.


	2. Cas Is Gay

Cas has always known he was gay, but it wasn’t confirmed until he was in kindergarten.

 

On his kindergarten report card his teacher wrote: Paul is definitely gay and has a good sense of self. Cas saw it on her desk before naptime. And if he hadn’t seen, he might not have realized that boys weren’t supposed to be attracted to other boys. They spend all their time together and constantly made fun of girls. Cas thought it was because they all liked each other.

 

He was surprised to find out that he wasn’t right. He looked through all the other report cards and found out that none of the others said the same thing. Ms. Barnes caught him at her desk and looked alarmed.

 

“Am I definitely gay?” Cas asked.

 

Ms. Barnes nodded.

 

“What’s gay?”

 

“When boys like other boys.” she said.

 

He pointed to where Raphael and Michael were wrestling on the ground. “Is Raphael gay?” he asked.

 

“No,” Ms. Barnes answered. “Not yet, at least.”

 

Cas found it all very interesting. Ms. Barnes explained it a little more to him, the boys liking girls thing. She explained to him about marriage, about how most marriages were made up of men and women.

 

“But that’s not how I feel. How I feel is what’s right…right?”

 

“For you, yes.” answered Ms. Barnes. “What you feel is right for you. Remember that.”

 

And he did. Sort of. 

 

That night, he walked over to his mother, quietly reading in the den.

 

“Guess what!” he said. She jumped, then tried to pretend she wasn’t surprised.

 

“What?” she asked.

 

“I’m gay!”

 

They didn’t react the way he thought they would. Cas thought his mother would at least close her book. Instead, she turned to the kitchen and yelled to his father.

 

“Honey, Cas learned a new word!”

 

It took his parents a few years, but they got used to it.

 

Other than his parents, Anna was the first person he came out to. In the second grade, Anna came over his house. They were under his bed, playing a game called Avoid Death.

 

At one point Anna’s sentence trailed off. She leaned forward, eyes closing. Anna’s lips were coming near his. Forgetting he was under the bed he stood up and crashed into the bottom of his mattress. 

 

“What’d you do that for?” they both yelled at the same time.

 

“Don’t you like me?” Anna asked, hurt.

 

“Yes, but I’m gay.” he said.

 

“Oh, okay. Sorry.”

 

There was a pause. Then they continued on with the game. From then, Cas knew they were going to be best friends for a long time.

 

With Anna’s help he became the first gay president in Mr. Singer’s third-grade class. Anna was his campaign manager. She came up with his slogan: VOTE FOR ME…I’M GAY! It was going to be VOTE FOR ME…I’M A GAY, but Cas pointed out that could be easily misread as VOTE FOR ME…I’M A GUY, and that would definitely lose him some votes.

 

His biggest opponent was, unfortunately, Michael. His first slogan was VOTE FOR ME…I’M NOT GAY, which was really dull. He changed it little by little, until finally his slogan was DON’T VOTE FOR THE FAG. When the election was held he had a small percent of the vote, while Cas had girl vote, the open-minded guy vote, the closeted vote, and the Michael-hate vote. When it was over, Anna beat Michael up.

 

The next day, Luke traded him two Twinkies for a box of raisins. The day after that, Cas traded him three honey buns for a Fig Newton.

 

It was his first flirtation.

 

Luke was his date for the fifth grade semi-formal. Or he was, till they broke up over a Nintendo cartridge (in Cas’s defense Luke could have handled it better). But they parted on friendly terms. He would have gone with Anna, but surprisingly she was going with Michael. She swore he’d changed.

 

In the sixth grade, Luke, Anna, a lesbian fourth grader named Charlie, and him formed the school’s first gay-straight alliance. They looked at the straight kids and decided they needed help. They all dressed the same and couldn’t dance for their lives. It wasn’t acceptable.

 

Soon membership surpassed that of the football team. Michael refused to join, but Anna made them go to swing dance classes at least twice a week.

 

Since he was single at the time and felt he had met everyone there was to meet at school, he often snuck out to watch Star Trek in the AV room with Charlie.

 

In the eighth grade he was tackled by two high school wrestlers. They called him names like queer, faggot, the usual. At first Cas didn’t know they were insults, just a strange form of foreplay. No one was allowed to talk to him like that, only Anna. Luckily he had gone with his friends from the fencing team. They took care of the wrestlers.

 

He also had a gay food column called Dining OUT, which was a modest success. He declined several pleas to run for student council since it would interfere with his spot in the school musical.

 

Basically, life in junior high was pretty fun. His life wasn’t really out of the ordinary, just the usual crushes, confusions, and intensities.

 

Then he met Dean and things got complicated. He knows it immediately, driving home from Ash’s gig. He feels more complicated. Not bad complicated.

 

Just complicated.


	3. The Homecoming Queen's Dilemma

Cas looks in the hallways for Dean on Monday. He hopes Dean is looking for him too.

 

Anna promises to help look for him too. He’s afraid she’ll get carried away, dragging Dean by the ears if she finds him.

 

But he doesn’t see him anywhere. There are Homecoming Pride posters and new gossip. Everyone is up and about. He looks for Dean in the sea of students. 

 

Instead of finding Dean, he runs into Crowley. Or, she runs over him. There’s really nothing like seeing a football player walk through the halls a red wig and an excessive amount of makeup. Lucky Cas was used to it, or it would’ve taken him aback.

 

“Glad I caught you,” Crowley exclaims. “Things are such a mess!”

 

He doesn’t know when he and Crowley became friends. Maybe when Crowley was a he instead of she, but no one can remember that. He became a much better football player once he started wearing fake eyelashes.

 

But Crowley doesn’t have it easy. Being star quarterback and homecoming queen has its drawbacks. Plus, it’s hard for her to fit in. The other drag queens say she doesn’t take good care of her nails and she looks a little too buff in a tank top, so they won’t eat lunch with her. The football players are better but it got a little awkward when last year Chuck Shurley fell in love with her, then got brokenhearted when Crowley said he wasn’t her type.

 

Cas isn’t surprised when Crowley says things are such a mess. Everything is always a mess for her. But this time, it’s a real dilemma.

 

“Coach Walker’s going to have my arse,” she declares. “It’s the Homecoming Pride rally this afternoon and he wants me to march with the team. But as homecoming queen, I also have to introduce the team. If I don’t, Meg Masters would take my place, which would be horrible. Her boobs are faker than mine.”

 

“You think Meg would stoop that low?” he asks.

 

“Does the fat lady sing? Of course she would.”

 

Usually Crowley holds himself with the upmost decorum, but Meg Masters is her weak spot. They used to be best friends, but Meg joined field hockey and Crowley joined football. Meg started to wear lots of plaid, which Crowley despised. She started to hang with rugby boys. The tension rose between them, until finally they had a friendship breakup. Now they avert their glances dramatically when they pass in the hallways Crowley tells everybody (except Meg) that she wants her accessories back.

 

Cas’s mind wanders. His eyes scans the hallways for Dean, even though he doesn’t know what he’d do if he found him.

 

“Bollocks, Cas. What has gotten you so distracted?”

 

Cas has some reservations about telling her. Even though Crowley tells him everything, he’s afraid that if he tells Crowley, everyone will know.

 

“I’m just looking for someone.” he says.

 

“A special someone?”

 

“It’s nothing,” he says, crossing his fingers and praying to the Big Lesbian God that Dean is everything he hopes he is.

 

He is brought back to Crowley’s dilemma. “Just march with the football team while wearing your homecoming queen clothes.”

 

Crowley starts to nod, then sees something over her shoulder. Her eyes flash with anger. “Don’t look now,” she whispers.

 

Of course this tempts him to look. So he turns and looks and there is Balthazar walking by. He turns away from him as if he’ll catch a curse from meeting his gaze.

 

Balthazar is the only straight boy he’s every kissed. They both thought he was gay. They went out for a few weeks in the ninth grade. Balthazar is the only ex he’s not on speaking terms with. Sometimes he thinks Balthazar hates him. And Cas is not used to being hated.

 

“That asshole,” Crowley says. He’s being saying that for a year now.

 

With breakups you either think about how badly it ended or become sentimental over the good times and wonder how it all went wrong. With Balthazar it’s all mixed up. He remembers Balthazar taking his hand for the first time. He remembers him calling him a liar and a loser. He remembers Balthazar hovering around his lockers when Cas first figured out he liked him. He remembers when tried to return a book back to Balthazar and he pulled away instinctively.

 

He told everyone Cas tricked him.

 

It didn’t matter what everyone else believed. It only matter whether he really believed it.

 

“He’s the worst,” Crowley says. Even she knows he’s far from the worst.

 

Seeing Balthazar dampens his mood. He’s no longer on a Dean high. 

 

Crowley tries to cheer him up. “I have chocolate,” She reaches into her purse for a Milky Way.

 

He’s quietly eating his Milky Way when Anna comes to them with her latest Dean report. Unfortunately, there’s no change from the last five.

 

“I can’t find him. I’ve found people who know who he is, but no one knows where he is. Chuck pointed me in the right direction. He told me that your guy is one of those artsy types. I found one of his drawings outside the art room. Chuck helped me get it.”

 

Cas took notice of the Anna kept saying Chuck’s name. When things were getting better with Michael, she began saying his name again. Now, for some reason, it’s Chuck.

 

Anna takes out a small, framed picture. “You have to look at it closely,” Anna tells him.

 

He holds the drawing to his face, analyzing the drawing. He sees a man in a tan trench coat. From far away, there’s really nothing special about this guy. Just some guy in a trench coat, probably an accountant. But up close he sees it. The shadows of beautiful black wings spread out gracefully, wide and elegant.

 

It’s a really cool drawing. 

 

“You can’t keep it,” Anna says. 

 

“I know.” He looks at it a minute longer, then hands it back.

 

Crowley kept quiet through the whole conversation, but now she’s bursting with curiosity.

 

“He’s just some guy,” he says.

 

“Do tell,” she says. 

 

So he does.

 

And as soon as does he knows that Dean isn't “just some guy.” There was something between them; something that Cas feels could last for years. And all of sudden telling Crowley doesn’t sound like he’s setting himself up for gossip.

 

It feels like he’s putting his whole heart on the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you asked me what person I would ship Castiel with other than Dean it would have to be to Balthazar. I mean his first appearance was where he saved Cas from Raphael, and Cas let him escape. Since that episode, Balthazar helped Cas whenever he needed something, no questions asked. He sank the Titanic! I do believe it was one sided (who can compare to a Winchester). I liked him as a character and his death made me sad. Please tell me how I'm doing so far! This is my first time writing fanfiction, so let me know how I'm doing.


	4. Pride and Joy

Anna, Michael, and Cas sit together for the Homecoming Pride Rally. It’s the first rally he’s ever been in the stands for. This is due to a fluke of scheduling. His school has so many activities, only a dozen were spotlighted for this rally. They asked him to bring his acting group, but he declined. So instead, he’s sitting in the bleachers of the gymnasium, trying to figure out what’s going between Anna and Michael. Right now Michael keeps looking over at Anna, and Anna’s not looking over as much.

 

So he turns to him. “Find your boyfriend yet?” he asks.

 

He looks around to see if Dean is anywhere near them. Luckily he is not.

 

He’s starting to wonder if Dean actually exists.

 

The principal’s secretary starts the rally. The gymnasium doors open and the cheerleaders come riding in on their motorcycles. The crowd goes wild.

 

They’re the only high school in America with a biker cheerleading team. Well, there could be others. A few years ago someone decided that having a posse of motorcycles ride around the field got the crowd much more pumped up than pom-poms ever could.

 

The motorcycles swerve around the gym, starting off in a pyramid than breaking off into spins. Then for the final, they all rev at once and shoot themselves off a ramp. They get a massive applause.

 

Cas is proud to be a student at his high school.

 

The tennis team is next. His brother and his friend Kali are the doubles champions, so get a pretty good reception. He tries to cheer loudly so Gabriel will hear him. He’s a senior now, so everything is coming to an end. Next year he’ll be on a college tennis team, but it won’t be the same.

 

After the tennis team is the school cover band. The cover band’s stats are better than the tennis team. They made it all the way to the finals, only to be defeated by a cover band that played “Typical Situation” while standing on their heads. At the rally, they play “One Day More” from Les Miserables. 

 

The principle’s secretary introduces the homecoming king and queen, Virgil and Crowley. Crowley comes out in a ball gown, half covered by her football jersey.

 

Crowley’s holding the portable microphone they borrowed from Ash’s van, so she can introduce and march at the time. As the cover band plays “We Are the Champions”, the football team lines up for presentation.

 

Cas leans over to Anna, but her eyes are on Chuck.

 

He, for the life of him, doesn’t know why. Chuck is just the second-string quarterback who fell for Crowley then got upset when she didn’t feel the same. He was real bitter about, worse than Michael. At least when Michael’s mad he still has a sense of humor.

 

Michael doesn’t seem to notice who Anna glancing at. His attention is elsewhere.

 

“Is that him?” he asks.

 

And because he’s Michael, he points right at someone in the stands across the gymnasium. At first he thinks he’s pointing at Balthazar, then he sees Michael’s pointing a few rows up.

 

First he sees an empty seat. Then he sees Dean next to it.

 

He senses him looking and looks right at him. Or maybe he’s looking at Michael, who’s still pointing at him.

 

“Put your finger down,” he says between gritted teeth.

 

“Calm down,” Michael tells him. He pretends he hadn’t been pointing at Dean at all. Cas tries to play along.

 

He sees that Dean is still there. He doesn’t know why he thought he would have disappeared. He doesn’t believe things could be this easy and yet he doesn’t see why things have to be so hard.

 

Anna broke her attention from Chuck long enough to catch what’s going on.

 

“Don’t just sit here,” she says.

 

“If you don’t go over there, I will. And I’ll tell him all about your crush.” says Michael.

 

He knows that Anna and Michael won’t let him out of it, so he heads over to Dean’s side of the gym. He gets to the bottom of the stands while Crowley is introducing herself. He loses track of where Dean is. Anna and Michael point the way. The quiz bowling team is about to enter. He swears Crowley winks when she looks his way.

 

He focuses on the seat next to Dean. He doesn’t focus on his dirty blonde hair or the specks of paint on his hands and arms. 

 

“Is this seat taken?” I ask.

 

Dean looks up at him for a second, then he breaks out into a smile.

 

“Hey,” Dean says. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

 

Cas doesn’t know what to say. He’s never been so happy yet scared in his life.

 

There’s a roar through the stands as the quiz bowling team comes out. “I’ve been looking for you, too.” he says.

 

“Cool,” says Dean. And it’s cool. So cool.

 

Cas sits down next to him. He doesn’t want to scare him by telling him all the things that scare him. He doesn’t want him to know how important this is. Dean has to feel the importance.

 

“Those are cool shoes.” he says. Dean’s wearing blue suede shoes. They talk about blue suede shoes. They talk as the rest of the clubs go on. They laugh as the French Club’s soufflé falls. 

 

Cas is looking for signs that he understands. That Dean is what he’s been hoping for.

 

They talk about music and find out they like the same music. They talk about movies and find out they like the same movies.

 

“Do you really exist?” he blurts out.

 

Dean smiles. “Nope. I’ve known that since I was four.”

 

“What happened when you were four?”

 

“Well, I had this imaginary friend. We talked all the time, she followed me everywhere, there was even a place at the table for her. But then I realized that she wasn’t imaginary, I was. It made perfect sense to me. My parents disagree, but I think I’m right.”

 

“What was her name?” he asks.

 

“Gilda. Yours?”

 

“Aaron.”

 

“Maybe they’re together.”

 

“That’s unlikely. I left Aaron in Pennsylvania. He never liked to travel.”

 

They’re playing around with each other, which is really good. Cas stares at his hands again. He notices that the paint is not quite purple and not quite blue, with a speck of red on one of his fingers.

 

The rally is almost over. “I’m glad you found me,” says Dean.

 

“Me too.” Cas replays those words in his head. Dean is glad he found him. He’s glad he found him. Cas used to hints and mixed messages, but Dean is not afraid to say this. Cas isn’t used to such a plainspoken, honest truth.

 

He’s blown away.

 

Dean grins. The other people in his row are standing, waiting for them to leave so they can resume their day. He just wants time to stop.

 

“Two sixty-three,” Dean says. Cas gives him a confused look.

 

“My locker number,” he explains. “Meet me after school.”

 

He wants time to fast forward an hour, now that he knows what’s waiting for him.

 

As they leave the gym he can see Balthazar shoot him a look, but he ignores him. He knows Anna and Michael will be waiting for the full report.

 

Right now, Cas can sum up all his feelings in one word.

 

Joy.


	5. Hallway Traffic (Complications Ensue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this is one of the shorter chapters, I think I'll have another one posted later today. I also might set a day for updating this, Saturday or Sunday. This story is hard to write sometimes, because Cas's personality and thoughts are different than Paul's. I think Dean and Noah are more alike. Please tell me how I'm doing so far!

Cas waits as the day slowly comes to an end. The number, _Two sixty-four_ sounds in his mind over and over again. He replays his conversation with Dean over and over in his head. He has the urge to write down so he’ll always remember, but suppresses it.

 

The hour passes. As soon as the bell rings Cas is out the door. He doesn’t know where locker 264 is he sure as hell is going to find out.

 

 

He searches through the hallways, taking shortcuts and looking around. He spots locker 435. He’s not even in the right corridor.

 

 

“Cas!” a voice yells. There’s only one Cas at his school, so the yell must be for him. Silently, he curses his parents for giving him such a distinct name like _Castiel._ Reluctantly he turns around and sees Becky Rosen walking towards him.

 

 

He know that if Becky Rosen is talking to him, it’s because she’s wants him to work on some committee. She’s the head of appointing committees, since she’s the only one good at it.

 

 

“What do you want, Becky?” Cas asks.

 

 

“The Wendigo Dance,” she says. “I want you to architect it.”

 

 

That caught him a little by surprise. The Wendigo Dance was only the most important dance of the year, and designing it would mean being in charge of decorations and music.

 

 

“I thought Lisa Braeden was architecting it?” he says.

 

 

Becky sighs. “Yeah. Then she went Goth on me.”

 

 

“Sorry.”

 

 

“Whatever. So are you in or are you out?” she asks.

 

 

He thinks about it for sixteen seconds, then says, “I’m in.”

 

 

Becky nods, says something about the budget, and walks away.

 

 

At first he is distracted by theme ideas. Then he remembers the reason he’s still here and continues on with his search for locker 264. On the way he is stopped his English teacher, who compliments him on his reading of Oscar Wilde, and Crowley, who asks how she did at the Homecoming Pride Rally.

 

 

Time is running out. He hopes that it will be like in the movies, where Dean will be delayed too and they’ll both show up as his locker at the same time.

 

 

“Hey, Boy Romeo.” Michael is now beside him, thankfully not stopping as he talks.

 

 

“Hey,” he replies.

 

 

“Where you going?”

 

 

“Locker 264.”

 

 

“Isn’t that on the second floor?”

 

 

Cas groans, realizing that he’s an idiot and Michael is right.

 

 

They walk upstairs together. “Have you seen Anna?” he asks.

 

 

Cas doesn’t get the chance to see irony in real life nowadays. But of course, if he was, it would be while talking to Anna’s on-and-off boyfriend who’s looking for Anna, as they reach the top of stairs to see Anna embracing Chuck, on the way to a very serious kiss.

 

 

Anna and Chuck don’t see them. Their eyes are already closed. Everyone pauses to look at them.

 

 

“ _Bitch,”_ Michael whispers, obviously upset. He turns and runs back downs the stairs.

 

 

He knows he should push on looking for Dean. He knows Anna should know what he’s seen. And he knows he doesn’t really like Michael all that much. But still, he runs after Michael to see if he’s okay.

 

 

Michael is a few paces ahead of him, pushing past people and through hallway after hallway. Cas doesn’t have idea where he’s going. Then he realizes that Michael has no idea where he’s going.

 

 

“Michael,” he calls out. They’re right outside the wood shop.

 

 

“Did you know about this?” he asks.

 

 

Cas shakes his head.

 

 

“So you don’t know when this happened?”

 

 

“No. She never told me.”

 

 

“It doesn’t even matter anyway. We broke up, you know. She can hook up with whoever she wants.”

 

 

Cas wonders if he actually believes what he’s saying.

 

 

“I didn’t football players were her type.” he says. Cas agrees with him, but Michael’s not listening to him anymore.

 

 

“I gotta go.” Michael says. Cas tries to find something to say, something to make him feel better.

 

 

Cas looks at his watch. It’s been seventeen minutes since school ended. He takes a different stairway to get to the second floor. He walks past the different lockers and get to locker 264.

 

 

Nobody’s there.

 

 

Cas looks around for Dean, but the hallways are nearly deserted now. Everyone’s either at home or at their after school activities. A girl walks by and says, “He left ten minutes ago. He looked disappointed.”

 

 

He feels like a loser. Cas rips a page out of his physics book and writes and apology. He rewrites it five times until he feels satisfied with it. He slips it in locker 264.

 

 

Cas walks back to his own locker. Anna is nowhere in sight. Cas relieved. He has no idea what to say to her. He understands why she kept Chuck from Michael. But from him? It hurts.

 

 

As he slams his locker shut, Balthazar walks by him.

 

 

He nods and says hi. He even almost smiles. Cas stands there in shock.

 

 

Balthazar keeps walking, not turning back.

 

 

His life is crazy and there’s a not a thing he can do about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Finding Lost Languages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post another chapter today, seeing as I have a lot of time on my hands and I'm just as ready as you are to see Dean and Cas be reunited. Tell me if it's good!

“Maybe he was saying hi to someone else,” he says.

 

 

He’s talking to Alfie, retelling the drama to the one person who wasn’t there for it.

 

 

“And the smile was probably just gas.” he adds. Alfie just nods.

 

 

“I haven’t done anything differently, and he’s not the type to change his mind about this kind of thing. There’s absolutely no sane reason why he start talking to me again.”

 

 

Alfie just shrugs.

 

 

“I wish I could call Dean, but I don’t think we’re close enough for that. I don’t want to seem crazy. Would he even know who I was? I’ll just wait until tomorrow.” Alfie nods again.

 

 

“And Anna. Should I let her know I caught her making out with Chuck in the middle of the hallway, or pretend I don’t know and wait for her to tell truth?” Alfie shrugs again.

 

 

“Feel free to chime in at any time.” Cas says.

 

 

“I don’t have much to say,” he replies with an apologetic shrug.

 

 

They were at his house, doing each other’s homework. Earlier in their friendship they discovered they had similar handwriting. They went to different schools and had different assignments. That was the challenging part.

 

 

“What’s this paper supposed to be on, anyway?” he asks.

 

 

_“Of Mice and Men.”_ says Alfie.

 

 

“Good, I’ve read that one.”

 

 

He starts writing down a topic sentence, while Alfie looks through a French- English dictionary to finish his French homework.

 

 

“You’re not surprised about Anna,” he says, more a statement than question.

 

 

“Saw it coming,” Alfie says, not raising his eyes from the dictionary.

 

 

“You pictured Michael and me catching them making out in the hallways?”

 

 

“Not that part.”

 

 

“Chuck?”

 

 

“Not that part, either. But I know that Anna likes having a boyfriend. And if it’s not Michael, it’s going to be someone else. Whether it’s Chuck or someone else doesn’t matter. If he likes her, odds are she’s going to like him back.”

 

 

“And you’re okay with this?”

 

 

He looks right at him. “It doesn’t matter what I think. If she’s happy, then good for her.”

 

 

Cas can hear the unhappy edge in his voice. Alfie has never really had a boyfriend. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be in love. He’s cute, funny, smart, but he still hasn’t found someone to love. Usually he’ll have a quiet crush, maybe even hang with someone who has boyfriend potential. Then before it’s started, it’s over. “It wasn’t right,” he’d tell us, and that would be that.

 

 

Because of this, he decides to change the subject from Dean and to start speaking in their nonexistent language, Enochian.

 

 

The longest they’ve ever spoke it was six hours, on a lengthy car trip to the mall. He forgot how it started. He guesses that one day they both got tired of speaking English. Cas said a few things that sounded like gibberish, and Alfie responded back without missing a beat. The weird thing, they’ve always understood each other. They just know.

 

 

Cas met Alfie in a bookstore. They were both looking for a used copy of one of Carver Edlund’s _Supernatural_ books. The shelf was eight feet up, so they both took turns on the ladder. Alfie went up there first and came down with a copy. Cas asked him if there was another copy. Startled, he told him there was and even went up and grabbed another copy. They talked about the other _Supernatural_ books for a while then drifted off into other sections of the bookstore.

 

 

That should have been it. They were strangers, should have never been friends. But later that night when he took the train home, he saw him sitting alone, already halfway done with the book.

 

 

“That book any good?” he asked as he approached Alfie.

 

 

Alfie looked up and smiled. “It’s very good.”

 

 

Cas sat down next to him. They talked a little more about themselves. Cas thought he seemed a little nervous.

 

 

A cute guy walked past. Both of their gazes followed him. “Damn, he was cute.” said Cas.

 

 

Alfie hesitated, then smiled. “Yeah, he was cute.” He said it like he was just revealing his deepest secret.

 

 

Which in a way, he was.

 

 

They kept talking. And for some reason, it was very easy to talk to him. Alfie told him about his life, which was in many ways different than his. His school was different, his parents were different. He never used the word gay and he didn’t have to. He told him how his parents thought he was on a church retreat. They talked all the way home.

 

 

Cas asked for his phone number, but Alfie gave him an email address instead. It was safer for him. Cas told him to call any time, and they made their next set of plans. It sounded like the beginning of romance, but they both they had something more meaningful, more rare. A friendship. An honest friendship.

 

 

It’s hard for him to concentrate on Alfie’s homework when he has so many things to think about. He manages to write three pages before his brother comes down and offers to give Alfie a ride home. Out of all is friends, Gabriel likes Alfie the best. They have very nice compatible silences.

 

 

He knows Alfie won’t give him any advice on Dean or Anna or Balthazar. He likes to let people do their own things.

 

 

_“Lifstat beyune hegra,”_ he says as he departs. But for the first time Cas has no clue what he’s saying. Goodbye? Good luck? Call Dean?

 

 

He spends the rest of the evening watching television. He doesn’t call Anna. And Anna doesn’t call him.

 

 

That’s how he knows she knows that he knows.

 

 

 

  

  


 

 

 


	7. Dangling Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who got two chapters in in one day? Me! *high fives self*

The next morning, Cas looks for Dean and finds Anna.

 

 

“We need to talk,” she says. He doesn’t argue.

 

 

She pulls him into an empty classroom. “You saw us. Michael saw us.” It’s not a question so Cas doesn’t answer.

 

 

“What’s going on?” he asks. _Why didn’t you tell me?_ is the question he asks in his head.

 

 

“I didn’t expect this to happen.”

 

 

“What, falling for Chuck or me and Michael finding out?”

 

 

“Don’t be mean.”

 

 

He sighs. “Anna, you know what Chuck did after Crowley rejected him. He trashed her locker and bad mouthed her to the whole school.”

 

 

“He was hurt.”

 

 

“He was psycho.”

 

 

Anna shoots him same look she shot when she tried to dye her hair blonde in the sixth grade and he tried to pretend it came out well. The same look he got when he told her he was afraid he’d never find a boyfriend who loved him the same way he loved him. It’s a look that says, _You’re wrong._

They’ve been best friends too long to fight over something like this. They know that.

 

 

“Have you talked to Michael?” he asks.

 

 

“I wanted to talk to you first.”

 

 

Cas thinks she’s doing the wrong thing. And he thinks Chuck is bad news. But right now, he knows there’s nothing he can do to change her mind.

 

 

“So, what, you’re Chuck’s _girlfriend_ now?”

 

 

Anna groans. “To be determined, all right? And how are things going with Mystery Boy?”

 

 

“I have to find him again.”

 

 

“You lost him?”

 

 

“I guess so.”

 

 

He says goodbye to Anna and heads to Dean’s locker. He ducks past Crowley. He’s sure she’s heard about Chuck and Anna and will have lots to say about it.

 

 

Dean is waiting—no, standing—by his locker. There’s no sign that he’s waiting for anyone.

 

 

“Hi,” he says. He scans his face for a reaction.

 

 

It’s blank. “Hey,” Dean says back, closing his locker.

 

 

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he continues. “Did you get my note?”

 

 

“No.”

 

 

“Oh. I tried to get here after school, but a thousand things got in my way. I put a note in your locker to apologize. Locker two-six-four, right?”

 

 

“Two-six- _three_.”

 

 

Cas has never felt more pathetic in his life. He curses his horrible memory. “Oh, sorry. So, um, what did you do last night?”

 

 

“I painted music, you?”

 

 

“I smote some demons.” He didn’t have any interesting to say, so he tried to make up something interesting. In his last effort to sound impressive he adds, “And I started thinking about the Wendigo Dance. I’ve been chosen to architect it.”

 

 

“What’s the Wendigo Dance?” he asks.

 

 

Cas forgot how new Dean is to the school. He has no idea what Cas is talking about.

 

 

He starts explaining the Wendigo Dance, about Becky Rosen. He’d rather be asking him about how to paint music or if he wants him to stop talking. But he just keeps talking. He goes on and on, only half sure that Dean is paying attention to him.

 

 

“There you are!”

 

 

It’s not Dean but Crowley saying this, right behind him. “Am I interrupting?” she asks.

 

 

As much as he likes Crowley, she’s usually the last person he introduces to new people. Because when you first meet her she seems a little full of herself. Which she _is_. But once you get to know her she’s not as full of herself as she seems.

 

 

He tries to give Crowley a look to let her know she’s interrupting without saying that she’s interrupting. It doesn’t work.

 

 

“You must be the boy Cas likes.” she says to Dean. Cas blushes, his face turning a deep red.

 

 

She looks Dean up and down. “You’re cute.”

 

 

Dean smiles. “Now are all the girls at this school nice as you? If so, then I am really going to like it at this school.”

 

 

He looks right at her as he says it. Cas can tell Crowley is surprised, because usually people don’t see her as she wants to be seen.

 

 

With two sentences, Dean has managed to win over his most critical friend. He is in awe.

 

 

He’s also mortified by Crowley’s declaring of his liking. Cas was going to win Dean over with his own sweet plan…just as soon as he had a one.

 

 

“Is this awful, vile rumor true? Break it to me gently.” Crowley says.

 

 

“Can you hold on one second?” Cas asks Dean, then adds, “Please stay.”

 

 

“No problem,” he says.

 

 

He faces Crowley. “It seems Anna has started something with—”

 

 

“Stop! I can’t take anymore. Why, Cas? _Why?”_

 

“I don’t know.”

 

 

“Have I taught her _nothing_? She should know better than to go out with him. It’s like licking the bottom of your stiletto.”

 

 

Clearly, Crowley still feels some hostility towards Chuck.

 

 

“I’ve got to go talk some sense into her.” She leaves in a huff.

 

 

“Friend of yours?” Dean asks.

 

 

He nods.

 

 

“I’m guessing she’s always like that?”

 

 

He nods again.

 

 

“Does this happen often?”

 

 

“Something like it, yeah. This is the kind of stuff I was dealing when I was supposed to be here.”

 

 

“Will anyone die if you escape the crisis for a few hours this afternoon?”

 

 

“Are asking me just because I like you?” he says, since Crowley already blew his cover.

 

 

Dean smiles. “The thought never crossed my mind.”

 

 

They make plans for after school.

 

 

Cas is going to help him paint music.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Painting Music

Dean’s house is in a different part of town than his, but the neighborhood looks the same. In Dean’s yard, the hedges have been made into the shape of lightbulbs.

 

“It’s a legacy of the former owner.” Dean tells him.

 

Since Dean lives near the high school, they start walking. “How long have you lived here?” Dean asks.

 

“I’ve lived here my whole life.” Cas tells him.

 

“My family’s moved four times in the last ten years. Lawrence is supposed to be our final stop. My dad decided to travel for business instead of making the family move all the time. I’m…dislocated.”

 

“You’re here now,” Cas says.

 

For a family that moves lot, Dean’s house was strangely in order. Cas knows if his family was to move, it would take three years just to unpack all the boxes. The only thing this house lacks is clutter.

 

They head to the kitchen for a snack. Dean’s brother is the table, like a parent waiting for his kid to come home.

 

“You’re late,” he says. “You missed Dad’s call.” Cas guesses he must be in the eighth grade, maybe seventh.

 

“Will he call back?” Dean asks.

 

He shrugs his shoulders. That’s the end of the conversation.

 

Dean looks through the mail. “Cas, this is my brother, Sam.” he says as he separates the junk from the important mail. “Sammy, this is Cas.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Cas says.

 

“Nice to meet, too. Don’t hurt him like Alastair did, okay?”

 

Dean gives him a pissed off look. “Sam, go to your room.”

 

“You’re not the boss of me.”

 

“Really? What are you, six?”

 

“You’re the one who said go to your room. Besides, Alastair wrecked you. Remember?”

 

It’s clear Dean remembered. And so did Sam. But Sam just gets up and leaves, telling them he just made lemonade and are welcome to have half.

 

“You have a little brother?” Dean asks once Sam’s out of the room.

 

“No, but I have an older brother.”

 

Dean shakes his head. “Not the same. Little brothers are more annoying.”

 

They head up to his room. “It’s a little messy.” he says. Then he opens the door.

 

The ceiling is a swirl of colors. One wall is covered by a sleek bar car, the word _Impala_ under it in a curly font. A town and roads are drawn in the background. His music hangs from a swing in the ceiling, and his stereo is surrounded by postcards from everywhere, even one from the Kansas City International Airport. His books are on a shelf against a sea green wall (he’s a Kurt Vonnegut fan, based on the several books on his bookshelf). His window shades are made from bubblegum wrappers.

 

It’s beautiful.

 

“You did all this in two months?” he asks. He’s lived Lawrence his whole life but his room didn’t look nearly as intricate or beautiful. He wishes it was.

 

Dean nods. “I don’t really know a lot of people here, so I had a lot of time on my hands.”

 

“It’s really cool. Mine isn’t nearly as cool.”

 

“I doubt that,” he says.

 

It hits Cas that the two of them don’t really know each other. But he has this feeling that they _should_ get to know each other. By showing him his room, Cas realizes that Dean is showing a part of him that not a lot of people get to see. He’s nervous about doing the same.

 

They squeeze into Dean’s walking closet to a trap door. Dean climbs up the rope ladder, Cas following after him. As he enters the trap door he sees a white room. There’s a window, a cabinet, and two speakers. An easel sits in the middle of the room with blank paper waiting to be drawn on.

 

“This is where I draw,” Dean says as he sets up a second easel. “My dad promised me a room all to myself when we moved. You’re actually the first person to see it.”

 

He’s worried, considering the last time he painted there were numbers on the papers telling him what colors to use. He doodles occasionally, but other than that his artistic skill is really limited.

 

“Jesus died for our sins.” Dean says solemnly.

 

_“What?”_

 

“Had to see if you were listening. Your face looked a little spacey for a second.”

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

“It’s all right.” He hands him a vase of brushes and a tray of paints. “Now we can start.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.”

 

He smiles. “Just listen to the music and paint. Don’t think too seriously. Just let the song carry you.”

 

“But what about instructions?”

 

“There are no other instructions.”

 

He walks over and plugs the speakers into the wall. Music drifts into the room. Castiel recognizes the band.

 

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad…_

“Is that the Beatles?” he asks.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Getting ready to paint Dean says, “Don’t get lost in the words. Follow the sounds.”

 

At first Cas doesn’t know what that means. Then he dips his brush into a velvety purple. He raises it to the canvas and listens to the music. He lets his brush soar with the music.

 

The song continues. He washes his brush and tries different colors, from sunflower yellow to tomato red. The red flits over the purple. He reaches for ocean blue.

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid…_

He closes his eyes as he adds the blue. When he opens his eyes he sees Dean glancing at him. He thinks Dean knows he understands.

 

Dean surprises him by speaking.

 

“Have you always known?” he asks. Cas doesn’t have to ask what he means.

 

“Pretty much.” he answers. “You?”

 

He nods, eyes on the canvas, his brush coated with blue. “Has it been easy for you?”

 

“Yes,” he says, because it’s the truth.

 

“It hasn’t always been easy for me,” he says, and stops there.

 

Cas stops painting and watches him for a moment. He is concentrating on the music, brush moving in tune with the song. His mood is dark like the indigo on his brush. Is it heartbreak that makes him so sad (Cas recalls his brother’s comment in the kitchen), or something else?

 

Dean senses his stillness and turns to him. Cas sees doubt in his expression. Is he unsure about himself or him?

                                                                                      

“Let me see what you’ve done.” he says.

 

He shakes his head. “The song’s not over.”

 

When the song ends, he’s still not satisfied with his painting.

 

“It doesn’t look right,” he tells him as a new song plays.

 

“Let me see,” Part of him wants to block Dean’s view, but he lets him see anyway.

 

Dean stands next to him, looking at the music he’s painted. “It’s not bad,” he says,

 

Dean is so close to him. Cas can feel his presence. It takes over thoughts, blocking out the music.

 

He’s still holding the paintbrush. Dean reaches for his hand and lifts it gently. “Here,” he whispers. He guides his paintbrush across the paper.

 

When they finish their hands lower together. They don’t let go.

 

Cas looks at their hands, listens to their breathing. They don’t say anything.

 

A new song begins and their hands separate. Cas looks him. Dean smiles and turns back to his easel. He follows him and peeks at his painting.

 

He’s shocked by the beauty of the painting. It shows a woman carrying a baby, smiling down at it. The woman had pretty blonde hair and her face was sweet.

 

“Wow,” Cas murmurs.

 

His face turns a little pink. “Let’s finish,” he says.

 

So he heads back to his easel and they lose themselves in the music. When Hey Jude comes on again Dean even sings along. They don’t speak, but they are aware of each other’s presences.

 

They stay that way until night falls and Cas has to go home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chuck Waggin'

“Did you kiss him?”

 

If there’s one thing Cas knows about Anna it’s that it never takes her long to get to the point. And he knows she’s going to ask all the questions about Dean he’s never going to ask about Chuck.

 

Because Anna is his best friend, she knows about every boy he’s ever kissed. From Luke to Balthazar he’s told Anna about every single one. So of course she asked, on the phone, fifteen minutes after he comes home from Dean’s.

 

“That’s none of your business, Anna.”

 

“Is that a ‘none of your business yes’ or a ‘none of your business’ no?”

 

“I don’t want to tell you.”

 

“That’s a no then.”

 

He doesn’t know how to explain it to her. It’s not that he didn’t want to kiss Dean (he really did). And he thinks Dean wanted to kiss him. But they both let the moment pass, with the promise of a next time.

 

He doesn’t say anything more, so Anna starts talking about Balthazar instead.

 

“Has Balthazar spoken to you?” she asks. The way she asks makes it clear that Balthazar has spoken to her.

 

“Well, he’s said hi to me.”

 

“That’s a step.”

 

Anna has always liked Balthazar. She liked his charisma, his cleverness, his confidence…same things he liked about him, as well as his sincerity. I think Anna was as hurt as he was when Balthazar let them down.

 

But Anna got over it easier than he did. Which was to be expected, since she wasn’t the one who got dumped. It didn’t hurt her to see Balthazar dating _girls_ , even though the relationships rarely lasted longer than a PSAT prep course.

 

“He wants to talk to you. I _know_ he wants to talk to you.”

 

“What could he possibly want to talk about?”

 

“I think he feels bad.”

 

 _Feeling bad about what?_ he wonders. About wearing the super comfortable sweater that Cas lent him and never got to get back before they broke up. Then pretending he doesn’t exist as he flirts with a girl. And then letting Cas have to fear that that sweater, the sweater he looked best in, is probably sitting at the bottom of a closet.

 

Cas has spent months wishing Balthazar would just disappear. Now he feels like he’s gotten half his wish. Balthazar seems so lonely now, fading into the crowd.

 

“How is he doing?”

 

“I’m not sure if he’s happy, but he got a cat.”

 

“A cat?” He thought Balthazar hated animals.

 

“Chuck has a cat too,” Which of course means she wants to talk about Chuck.

 

“He’s really not that bad,” she says.

 

“Balthazar?” He feigns confusion.

 

“No, Chuck. I really like him, Cas.”

 

“Maybe if I spent more time with him, I’d get to know him better.” he says, choosing his words carefully.

 

“And I’m sure I’ll like Dean.” For a moment Cas is scared she’s going to propose a double date.

 

“Let’s all go to lunch tomorrow.”

 

Because Anna is his best friend, he says yes.

***

 

 

They decided to go to Biggerson’s since it’s close to school and principal’s wife owns the restaurant. They could go somewhere else since Anna can drive, but he wants to be in a reasonable distance to walk back to school in case Chuck makes him want to leave.

 

Or maybe he’ll just leave anyway. He doesn’t want to have lunch with Chuck. What he really wants is to spend as much time with Dean as possibly. This feeling is very sudden, and he just decides to go with.

 

He meets Dean at his locker before first period. “I’m going lunch with Anna and Chuck today, unfortunately. I’d rather be with you.”

 

Dean smiles. “Don’t worry about it. There’s still this weekend.”

 

He and Dean have worked out this system. Between first and second they meet at his locker. Between second and third they meet at Dean’s. During these times they talk about everything. What they dreamed last night, Dean’s boredom in math class, Ms. Barnes kindergarten evaluation report. It’s all very random but he likes it.

 

He told Anna to meet him at his locker with Chuck. This was a stupid, stupid decision because just as they show up Crowley walks by, swishing away without a second look. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is when Michael walks by and takes a good look at what they’re doing. He walks away too, looking betrayed. And there’s still lunch to get through.

 

Anna and Cas chat all the way over to Biggerson’s. They both just order a burger. Chuck orders a salad.

 

“I don’t eat meat,” he explains. Because Chuck is his best friend’s boyfriend, he lets that slide.

 

“So…” he starts. “You’re planning that dance right?”

 _He’s starting off well,_ Cas thinks. “Becky Rosen’s planning it. I’m just the architect.”

 

“Whatever. If you want to sneak in some beer, my dad knows somebody who can get you a keg cheap.” He keeps score in his head, and right now Chuck is being deducted points by the minute.

 

“Chuck’s dad has the biggest liquor collection I’ve ever seen,” says Anna.

 

“Yeah, but he doesn’t drink any,” Chuck continues. “He just likes the bottles. Lame, right?” He’s just been deducted four points.

 

“How’s football going?” Cas asks.

 

Chuck’s face lights up. Anna would be lucky if her name got such a response. He goes on and on about the whole season and Cas gives him points for passion.

 

“The only problem is our quarterback. He’s a goddamn psycho.”

 

Whatever points he had before, they’re gone now. He’s possibly in the negatives. Chuck knows he’s friends with Crowley and knows he’s going to take offense to his insult. Why would he say that?

 

“He’s more worried about breaking a nail than throwing the damn ball. If he cares so much about his looks he should enter beauty contest, not play football.”

 

Cas translates this as: _I had a crush on the quarterback and she didn’t crush back so now I’m going to bad-mouth her to the whole world._ It’s not even true. He’s seen Crowley on the football field, and when he’s in the zone he’ll break nails and blotch his mascara and do whatever he has to do to win the game.

 

He stops keeping score because no matter what Chuck says he’s already lost. He looks to Anna for agreement but she just smiles.

 

Chuck asks him about movies (Anna must have told him he liked movies) but then he starts talking about movies _he’s_ watched. He looks over at Anna again but she’s just nodding along, not saying much. She holds his hand and looks happy.

 

He thanks God for his short thirty-four minute lunch period. At first he used to hate how short it is, now it feels right. They throw out their trash and talk about weekend plans. He decides not to mention Dean. Usually he and Anna would make a plan to meet up sometime over the weekend. But this time she doesn’t say anything and neither does he.

 

He wonders if she noticed.

***

 

Before he meets up with Dean between sixth and seventh period Michael walks up him.

 

 _“Traitor,”_ he hisses.  It’s not like he’s ever really liked Michael, but he does feel bad. He’s always been a big fan when Anna dumped him, but now he feels like a traitor.

 

“You’re taking sides,” Michael spits out.

 

“I’m not. And I thought you said you didn’t care.”

 

“I don’t. But I didn’t think you’d support her stupid decision, Gay Boy. I thought you had some sense.”

 

Surprisingly he agrees with him, but he can’t tell him that. Anna would find out and that would be bad. So he just stands `there and listens to Michael’s angry rant.

 

Michael just stares at him for a second and says, “Fine,” then heads off to his next class.

 

He wonders if it’s possible to start a new relationship without hurting anyone else. He doesn’t think it’s likely.

 

Then he sees Dean, walking swiftly towards him. _Yes, it’s possible,_ he thinks.

 

He can fall for Dean without hurting anybody.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. A Walk in the Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas's first date (because I don't really count the whole painting music thing)! Because of length this chapter is being split up in to two parts. So I guess you can call this A Walk in the Park (Part 1). I hope you like it!

Their plan for Saturday is to do whatever the mood calls for. Usually, he likes to plan out each day to the fullest. But for Dean, he’s willing to try out a planless day.

 

Dean supposed to come to his house at noon. Except when he agreed to that time, he completely forgot that his parents would be home. Meaning that Dean would meet his parents.

 

It’s not like Cas doesn’t like his family. Unlike his friends’ parents who argue and spend time deciding who gets the kids this weekend, his parents sit down at the table together and plan family vacations. And they’re pretty okay with the whole gay thing, though sometimes they have a hard time telling who’s a boyfriend and who’s just a friend (it took months to convince them that Alfie and him were just friends).

 

His fear is that they’ll be too friendly and inadvertently embarrass him. So, as a precaution, he locks all the photo albums in a drawer and tells his parents that Dean is “a new friend”. Luckily Gabriel is at tennis practice, so he won’t be around to pull a prank on him or say something embarrassing. He’s hoping Gabriel won’t come home till after they’ve left.

 

He cleans his room thoroughly then messes it up again, so it doesn’t look too clean. But it’s no use. His room isn’t intricate or beautiful. It’s just an accumulation of objects.

 

At exactly noon, the doorbell rings. He runs downstairs, takes a deep breath, and opens the door.

 

Dean is standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. Cas is so happy he almost wants to cry.

 

“Hi,” Dean says. He holds out the flowers. “These are for you.”

 

His shirt shimmers in the sunlight and his hair is beautifully unkempt. He stands patiently on the front step, waiting to be invited in.

 

Cas feels the flowers crush between their shirts as he leans forward and kisses Dean. He can tell Dean is surprised; he’s surprised at himself as well. Once Dean recovers from the initial shock he kisses him back with a smile.

 

It’s wonderful.

 

“Hello, Dean.” he says.

 

“Hi,” he says back.

 

 “Come in,” Cas says. He hears his parents come downstairs. In one glance they see the flowers and their entwined hands. He knows immediately that they know Dean is more than a new friend.

 

He doesn’t care.

 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Dean says.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well,” his father says, putting his hand out to shake.

 

Dean looks around at the living. He can see the curiosity in his gaze at he checks out the wallpaper filled with angels and the pillows laid out on the floor. His mom asks if they want pancakes, even though it’s noon.

 

“I’m all for it,” Dean says. “I mean, if you want to.”

 

“Do you want to?” he asks.

 

“If you do.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Are you?”

 

“I’ll get started on the pancakes,” his mother interjects. She heads to the kitchen.

 

“You should put those in water,” he says, pointing to the flowers. “They’re lovely.”

 

They both blush. Cas heads to the nearest vase. While he’s putting the flowers in it hits him—a few minutes ago he kissed Dean and Dean definitely kissed back. He’s in the living room, talking to his father. The boy he wants to kiss again is waiting for his mother to serve pancakes.

 

Cas is _this_ close to freaking out.

 

Taking a deep breath to keep his cool, he walks back to the room to hear his father say, “Look at how scrawny he is!”

 

He sees his dad and Dean huddled up in front of the wall of embarrassing photos he forgot to take down. The wall is like one big “before” picture (not that the “after” is any better). It shows how in the span of fifteen years he’s gone from pudgy to gawky to awkward to lanky then _back_ to awkward. At least he was only really pudgy as a baby.

 

“Pancakes are almost done!” Mom shouts.

 

They head to the kitchen, with his father in front. He sneaks a glance a Dean. His face looks perfectly amused.

 

“Do you mind?” he asks.

 

“No. I’m having a good time.” he assures him.

 

Dad, Dean, and him sit around the table as his mom dumps pancakes on the plate. “Is that—?” Dean starts.

 

“Texas? Yes, yes it is.” Cas replies. He’s so used to his family’s weirdness that he’s forgotten how it might look to others. His mom likes making her pancakes into states or countries. And by making, he doesn’t mean blobs of batter that kind of sort of look like California. He means with precise detail and with little stars etched in where the capital should be.

 

As they eat, his parents sneak glances at Dean, and he sneaks glances at them. Finally his dad breaks the silence.

 

“So,” he starts. “How long have you been living in town?”

 

Just as Dean opens his mouth to answer, Gabriel bursts into the room with a lollipop in his mouth and a trail of tennis sweat.

 

“Who is this?” Gabriel asks, plopping down into a seat and putting some syrup on a Minnesota pancake.

 

“Dean.” He doesn’t say anything else and Cas likes that.

 

“Cassie brought home another gay boy?” he says, then sighs. “Why can’t you bring home any cute sophomores? Don’t you have any cute lady friends? Dogface (Anna) doesn’t count.”

 

“You just blew your chance, man.” Dean says, stepping before he can reply. “I was going to introduce you to my friend Jo, but it’s too late now.”

 

“Is she hot?” Gabriel asks as he grabs Arkansas.

 

“I think she’s hot, and I don’t even swing that way.” he says. Gabriel nods in approval.

 

Gabriel starts talking about practice, and after a while they are ready to leave. “I’d like to meet her!” Gabriel shouts as they head for the door. They laugh as they head down the front path.

 

“Where to now?” Cas asks.

 

“The park,” Dean says. Cas can’t help but agree.

***

 

 

They hold hands all the way to the park. Cas loves the warm, rough feeling of his hand. It seems everyone at the park is in a good mood as well. An old man and old woman are sharing an ice cream cone, a group of kids are playing hopscotch, and a large group of Boy Scouts (larger now that gays can join) learn to play the guitar from a retired monk.

 

They sit down by the pond and start talking about their favorite books and paintings. This is a new kind of experience for him. He’s lived in a small town his whole life, where the people he’s dated have already known him for a long time. But he likes finding out new things about Dean that no else knows. He’s entirely new to Dean, and Dean is entirely new to him.

 

“I don’t do this very often,” Dean says. “You know, dating.”

 

“Neither do I,” he confesses. It’s true, he hasn’t. Not since Balthazar.

 

“It’s been a while.” he says quietly, looking away.

 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says, even he though he wants to know.

 

“No, it’s okay. I have to tell someone eventually, right?” Dean says. He tries to chuckle but it only comes out sad.

 

“It’s really not that interesting…” Dean says.

 

And he tells him his story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

 


	11. A Walk in the Park (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so, so sorry for the late update! It was my birthday this weekend and some other stuff came up and didn't get a chance to just sit down and write! Anyway, to make up for Saturday, I promised myself I would upload a new chapter sometime during the week and here it is. Hope you like it!

I liked this guy, and I thought he liked me too. He was my first boyfriend, and he was my _everything_. I even thought I loved him. So I made a fool out myself, thinking I was with someone who I loved and who loved me too. I was _devoted_ to him and he didn’t even care. I don’t even think he really liked me. The whole time he was just _using_ me. I thought I knew him so well, but clearly I didn’t because I was the only one who didn’t know he was cheating on me with half his grade. I thought I meant something to him, but in reality I was just some toy he could play with until he got bored.

 

Finally, he told me. And the funny thing is, that was about the nicest thing he had ever done for me. I guess he had a conscience. He told me I was great, and that because I was great there were some things I needed to needed to know. For months I wondered that if I was so great, why did he have to cheat on me?

 

I was so relieved when my dad decided to pack up and move. It was hard, seeing him in the hallways. He was this constant reminder of my biggest mistake.

  


***

 

 

Cas says nothing. It means a lot to him that Dean trusted him enough to tell the story of his relationship with Alastair (even though Dean never mentioned him by name he thinks that’s the boy Sam was referring to before). He notices that Dean had looked at him through the entire story. He sees hope in his eyes. He wants Cas to understand exactly what he’s saying.

 

So, as they get up to walk around, he tells him about Balthazar. But he doesn’t stop there. He talks about other disastrous dates he’s had. From the pizza man to the exchange student who wanted him to pretend to be Mulder when they were together, Cas told them all.

 

Then they’re both talking about the worst dates they had. And as they both talk he forgets about Balthazar and he hopes Dean is forgetting about Alastair. Finally, he thinks, he’s found someone he thinks he can move on with.

 

They talk about school and they talk about the other kids in town. They talk about their brothers, Dean with extra fondness. They walk around until Cas gets tired and they decide to take a break, sitting down on a park bench. Dean puts his arm around his shoulder and Cas leans into to him. He studies the curve of Dean’s jaw, the smoothness of his cheeks. He leans in and kisses him and feels it long after they’ve pulled away.

 

He begins to show Dean around town, taking him to all the memorable places around town and explaining the history behind them. He falls in love with the wondrous look in Dean’s eyes. After a while they walk back to Dean’s house.

 

“My dad will be there,” he says.

 

“That’s okay. I’d love to meet your father.” Cas replies.

 

“He’s not like your parents,” he warns.

 

“That’s actually a good thing.”

 

“Believe me, it’s not.”

 

Suddenly he thinks of Alfie’s parents, who need to think that Cas is very straight and dating Anna in order for Alfie to leave the house with them.

 

“Does your dad know you’re gay?” Cas asks.

 

“My dad couldn’t care less. He’s got more important things worry about.”

 

Once they get to his house they walk inside and Dean calls out, “I’m home!”

 

“Who cares?” Sam yells back from a distance room. They walk into the kitchen for popsicles. Cas notices the wad of cash sitting on the counter.

 

“Dad? I’m home!”

 

Sam walks into the room. “He’s not here. He says he’s sorry he missed you. He also left some money so we could order something.”

 

“Where’d he go?” Dean asks.

 

“He said Bobby found some proof of a ghost up in Topeka.”

 

“A what?” Cas says.

 

“Ghost,” Dean says. “My dad writes books on supernatural creatures. That’s why we used to move around a lot. Every time he got a call about a supernatural occurrence in a city we’d move there.”

 

Sometime during Dean’s explanation of his father’s work Sam pulled a popsicle out Dean’s hand and walked back to his room.

 

“I guess we’ve got to stay in,” Dean says.

 

“Isn’t he old enough to be alone by himself?” he asks.

 

“I don’t want him to feel lonely. Dad’s never home and I’m always out…”

 

Cas nods. “I understand.” He feels guilty for suggesting leaving. He's never even once thought of wondering if Gabriel feels lonely.

 

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t—”

 

“Nonsense.” Cas says, cutting him off. Cas tries not to fall in love with the way Dean’s face lights up when he smiles.

 

He follows Dean to Sam’s room where Sam sits on his bed, watching TV with a glum look on his face. He looks at them as they walk in.

 

“Is something wrong?” he asks.

 

“Nope. We were just wondering if you wanted to go out.” Dean says.

 

Sam looks up at him with a sad little smile. “I’m good. You guys can go have fun without me.”

 

“Okay, pizza and a movie it is.” Dean says, leaving before Sam can decline his offer.

 

Cas trails after him. As they head back to the kitchen he asks, “Is he always like that?”

 

“Not always. I think he’s mad at my dad. And I think he’s trying to give us space.”

 

“Space?”

 

“Sam’s a smart kid. I think he’s picked up on the fact that I…like you.”

 

“Does he realize I like you back?” he asks, drifting closer and moving his fingers under Dean’s shirt.

 

“Definitely.”

 

“Then I must say, you have a very observant brother.” They’re inches away from each other, and still moving forward. Dean leans in for the kiss and—

 

“Not in the kitchen!” Sam shouts, covering his eyes. “People actually eat there.”

 

Dean and him burst out laughing. Dean picks up the cash and they head back to town.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Please Rewind Before Returning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but from here on the plot thickens...

Dean and him decide to split up. Dean goes to get the pizza while he heads to the video store to pick out a movie. The owner, Frank Devereaux, has the only video store in town. He’s considered half crazy to most and doesn’t like strangers. Also, the videos in his stores are ordered by his logic. _The Breakfast Club_ is under Pornography while _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ is under Romantic Comedy. You either have to find want you want yourself or leave. That’s what they like about Frank. He doesn’t care about the people, just the movies.

 

Dean told him Sam is a fan of scary movies so he sets off, looking for the perfect horror film. He starts in the Drama section, finding a bunch of comedy films when hears a voice say, “Hey, Cassie.”

 

There are only two people who call him Cassie, and that’s Gabriel and—“Balthazar.”

 

He turns around and sees Balthazar waking to him from Science Fiction. “Hello, Balthazar.” he says again, politer. Well, as polite as he can be to the guy who dumped him.

 

“We haven’t talked in ages. How are you?” says Balthazar.

 

“Fine,” he replies.

 

“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.” Cas realizes for the first time how alone they are. Frank is in the back, probably taking in inventory, and they’re the only two people in the store. He stays silent.

 

“I’m sorry,” Balthazar says, plain and simple.

 

“Why?” he asks. Cas prays that maybe he just misheard him. But there isn’t a word in English that sounds like sorry.

 

“I made a mistake. I hurt you. And I never apologized for it. So I just wanted to tell you…I’m sorry.”

 

Usually when Cas imagined this conversation there would be anger and yelling and bitterness. He never thought he would want to say, _It’s okay._

 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Balthazar says after a period of silence. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me.”

 

“It’s not that,” he hears himself say, even though a smaller part of his brain is telling him to walk away.

 

“Really?”

 

The door to the video store opens and he jumps. Then Cas remembers that Dean is supposed to meet here after he gets the pizza. If Dean walks in on him talking to his ex-boyfriend…

 

“Are you waiting for someone?” Balthazar asks.

 

“Why are you doing this now?” he asks. “This is the first time in months you’ve actually looked me in the eye. Why now?”

 

“I thought you hated me.” he says, a little desperately.

 

Cas softens, just a little. “I never hated you. But you did hurt me.”

 

“I know. And I’m really sorry.”

 

The door opens again, and this time it’s Dean, carrying a large Papa John’s box. Cas tries to walk toward him, but Balthazar holds him back.

 

“Is there a chance we could talk again?”

 

Everything in his body screams **NO** but Cas says, “I’ll meet you on Monday, outside the chem lab. But only for a little bit.”

 

“Thank you,” Balthazar says to him. Cas just walks away.

 

“Cas?”

 

When Dean sees him, Balthazar is back in Sci-Fi. Dean looks at the movie in his hand. “Good choice. Sam might even pee his pants.”

 

He can feel Balthazar watching them. As they walk out Cas tries to forget about Balthazar, forget about their conversation, forget everything.

 

For a while it’s hard. Even the goddamn stop sign reminds him of Balthazar. When they get in the house, Cas realizes that Dean is just as distracted. As Sam puts in the movie and they reheat the pizza Cas asks him what’s wrong.

 

“The first time I went over Alastair’s house…we watched that movie.”

 

Cas looks at his solemn expression, then burst out laughing. “I know exactly how you feel,” he says, _briefly_ mentioning Balthazar (not talking about what happened at the video store).

 

The night gets better from there.

 

As they watch the movie, they share many casual touches. Hands brushing as they walk back to the family room, arms pressed up against each other as they sit next to each other on the couch.

 

“Meet me before the morning bell,” Cas says as he head to the door.

 

“Okay,” Dean replies, ruffling his hair. He kisses him goodbye.

 

As he walks home Dean is in the front of his mind, Balthazar pushed firmly to the back.

 

  


 

 

 

 

 


	13. Things Unsaid

When Cas sees Dean on Monday he can tell things have changed between them. They spend more time together. Now that Cas knows what it’s like to be close to Dean he never wants to stop.

They talk about their mornings instead of the many things left unsaid: their happiness in seeing each other, their fear of something going wrong, their many tries and failures at keeping their displays of affections private. The bell rings and it’s time to go to class. How, Cas wonders, can they acknowledge their newfound closeness without being one of those couples who make out in the middle of the hallway?

As always, Dean is ahead of him. “I’ll see you later,” he says. He brushes his fingers across his cheeks and holds them there for a few seconds. Cas leans into the touch.

He walks into French class feeling very, very happy.

“Someone had a good weekend,” Anna remarks once he sits down next to her.

“The best,” he replies.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I was with Chuck.”

 _That’s a surprise._ Cas thinks.

Before she can say anything else Ms. Mills starts explain French verbs, so they start passing notes.

 **Chuck took me to the nicest place for dinner.** Anna writes. **He tried to order us some beer, but the waitress just laughed. He was a little upset but I cheered him up. What did you and Dean do?**

He quickly wrote a response. **We just watched a movie at his place. It was awesome.**

**Details?**

**Well after the Exorcist I had to prepare for the orgy while Dean directed people to his bedroom.**

**Haha.**

**I’m being serious.**

**Fine, keep your boy toy to yourself. By the way, Michael is really starting to bother me.**

**What do you mean?** Cas knows Michael is more upset than he lets on about his and Anna’s breakup, but he doesn’t think he would do anything truly stupid.

**He keeps calling my house. One he even dropped by while Chuck was over. Chuck almost beat the crap out of him. I don’t why he’s doing this. I told over and over again that we’re through. Through.**

**Maybe he’s hurting.** His traitorous mind thinks of Balthazar for a moment.

**He’s hurting me and my relationship with Chuck.**

He’s about to write back, telling her to go easy on Chuck when Ms. Mills announces a pop quiz.

When Ms. Mills turns her back on the class he looks at Anna. There’s no softness in her eyes just anger. It surprises him. Even though Kyle dumped him he still feels a certain tenderness towards him. He can’t understand why Anna can’t something other than hostility towards Michael. Who has she become?  
These observations stay with him the whole day. Dean and him meet up between periods, telling each other the little things they noticed until they can have a real conversation again. He passes Michael in the hallway and he looks awful. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Michael mumbles a hello and passes him like a ghost. He’d rather have Michael tease him.

Becky Rosen announces during homeroom that the committee sign-ups for the Wendigo Dance have been posted in the cafeteria. Crowley tells him that she was the first person to sign up for his committee. She complains about Anna and Chuck, who she decides to call Truck (since the alternative is a word too unladylike for her to use). Later that day he sees Chuck. He says hello, but Chuck doesn’t acknowledge him. A minute later Anna jumps into his arms, and he gives her barely more than the acknowledgement he gave him. Anna doesn’t notice. Maybe he’s just seeing things.

At the end of the day he goes to meet Balthazar at the chem lab. When he tells Dean he’s going to be thirty minutes later than usual, Dean doesn’t even ask why. It makes him feel guilty, even though he has no plans to do anything other than talk to Balthazar.

Balthazar and him sit at one of the chem tables. “I’m sorry for jumping you at the video store,” Balthazar starts. “That’s not how I planned to do it.”

“How did you plan to do it?” Cas asks, genuinely curious.

“I planned a million different ways to approach you and in the end I just couldn’t decide.”

“But now you’ve told me,” he says slowly, still unsure of what Balthazar’s intentions are.

Balthazar nods.

“So, what do you want from me?”

“I don’t know.” Balthazar looks him, then at the periodic table behind him. “I know that I shouldn’t be allowed to do any of this. What I did to you was horrible. I didn’t break up with you the right way. One day I just couldn’t stand you anymore and I just felt the need to…to obliterate your presence.”

Cas tries to keep the anger out of his voice, he really does. “So you instead of telling me this and talking to me about your feelings, you dump me. You badmouth me to the whole school. You shove your tongue down Kayla’s or Brittany’s or Casey’s mouth and tell everyone I tricked you into being gay. And then after months of doing that and ignoring me now you feel guilty? Now you want to apologize?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then please Balthazar, tell me what it’s like.” He can see Balthazar is trying to tell him something but now all of his hurt and anger is coming out. “People have been asking me ‘Whatever happened with Balthazar?’ and have to tell them that I don’t know, other than all the things other people told me. So please, I’d love to hear what it’s like.”

They just stare at each other for a minute, Cas breathing a little heavy since he just talked nonstop for a full two minutes without a break.

“I’m sorry,” Balthazar mumbles.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“No, don’t apologize. I know you hate me. I deserve that.” he says quietly. “I’m sorry for bothering you. You don’t have to speak to me again.”

He gets up to leave. Cas has the urge let him. To let him leave and never speak to him again. Sighing, he tells him to wait.

“Listen, Balthazar. I have never hated you. I’ve been angry with you and confused about you, but I’ve never hated you.”

“Thank you,” he says. He sits back down.

“If you want my forgiveness, I guess you have it. And you also now know I don’t hate you. Is that all?”

“No,” he says.

“What else?” Cas says gently.

“I need your help, Cas. You’re the only one I can talk to about this.”

“About what?” He really shouldn’t get involved, but it’s too late now.

“I’m confused.”

“Why?”

“I like girls.”

“Okay.”

“But I still like guys too.”

Cas smiles at him, just a little. “You don’t sound too confused to me.”

“After you, I just wanted to be with the girls. But when I was with one, I still thought about being with a guy.

“So, you’re bisexual.”

He scrunches his face up. “I hate that word. It sounds like I can’t make up mind.”

“Then call yourself ambisexual or duosexual or—”

“Do I have to have a name?”

“No, you don’t. You can just be…you.”

They pause for a moment. Cas wonders if that’s all he needed, someone to talk to.

“Do you think we can be friends, Cas?”

It’s funny really. If Balthazar had said that to him a few months back he would have punched him in the face. But now, it’s actually sounds like a nice alternative.

“Yes,” he answers.

Balthazar surprises with a hug. And it’s not a deep, passionate hug. It’s just a friendly, platonic hug. And for a moment Cas actually thinks this could work.

It all goes to hell the next day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Pinball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since school is almost upon us (or at least for me anyway) and this story is barely halfway finished and I'm trying to update it on a consistent schedule, I've decided to update this everything other Saturday (if not Sunday). That way, there will be no more late updates.
> 
> Sorry if this chapter seems a little...pointless. Think of it like a season in Supernatural. You have to have a few fillers before you get to the main arc.

Cas tells Anna everything.

And she tells Chuck.

And Chuck tells everyone.

He finds out from Crowley. As soon as she approaches him at his locker he knows it’s bad.

“Darling,” she starts gently. “They were talking about it in the locker room.”

“Talking about what?”

“You. And Balthazar. And Dean.”

Cas thinks it can’t get any worse.

“It gets worse,” Crowley continues. “Gordon’s in on it.”

If you want to make a bet, Gordon Walker is the one to go to. He gets a high allowance, so he’ll bet you on anything. What’s the flavor of Meg Masters’s gum? Will Principal Singer call someone an idjit on the morning announcements? Will Crowley make a touchdown in tonight’s game? Gordon is ready to make the odds and stand by them.

His favorite thing to bet on is how long relationships will last.

“What are the odds?” he asks.

“Sweetie, you don’t really want to know.”

“Tell me.”

Crowley sighs. “Six to one you end up with Dean. Five to one you get back with Balthazar. Two to one that you screw up, lose both of them, and wind up alone.”

Cas takes in the information solemnly, then says, “Wait, did you bet?”

“I should get to class. I’ll talk to you later, Cas.” She walks away swiftly, heels clacking against the floor.

He prays that Dean hasn’t heard the gossip. I mean two to one? Seriously?

So far, it seems nothing’s change. No suspicion in his tone or wariness in his gaze. And Cas would know. They’ve been seeing each other a lot lately. They’ve been dating. Wednesday after school they snuck out to the city and went to an art museum. Instead of looking at the painting they looked at the people. The art students stood around one the paintings murmuring, their clothing worn and splattered with paint. The Europeans glided from painting to painting, chatting loudly in different languages. On Thursday they hung out with Alfie. It’s been a lot time since he saw him. Dean and Alfie seem to get along okay, though Dean’s presence did complicate the homework routine.

They’ve also been making out. A lot. Hours pass and they don’t even notice. It’s like once they kiss the world stops and gives them all the time they need, so no rush.

And unlike some people (*coughs*Anna and Chuck) he doesn’t need drop everyone else to be with to be with Dean. They both agreed they don’t want to be that kind of couple (ex. Anna and Chuck). He’s also been able to check in on Balthazar for short times. They talk but they only have short conversations. The fact that they talk at all is something, and Cas doesn’t want to find what.

Surprisingly he finds himself relieved when he finds out Dean’s going to visit his old town and Balthazar is going to visit a sick aunt.

Anna approaches him on Friday afternoon with Chuck at her side like nothing has happened. Cas isn’t sure whether she’s pretending that she doesn’t know he knows or that she actually doesn’t know that he knows she practically ran her mouth to the whole school. The fact that he had to find from Crowley is almost as amazing as the latter option.

“Chuck and I are going to pick up Alfie,” she says. “Want to come with?”

He had the sudden urge to throw his textbook at her face. Unfortunately, she said the only words in the world that could convince him to get in a car with her. And even when they get to the car Chuck just takes the front seat like it’s rightfully his. Doesn’t even try to offer it or anything. Anna doesn’t notice.

Cas longs for the days of Alfie, Anna, and him. A band of three.

 

***

  
By the time they get to Alfie’s house his anger has reached a boiling point. She’s supposed to be his best friend and yet she blabbed his biggest secret to Chuck. He tries to find a moment where she’s alone so they can talk.

The moment never comes. They even go to the bathroom together.

When Alfie gets in the car Cas knows he can feel the tension. Alfie and him pass looks all through the ride to the diner. By the Chuck starts singing along to some hardcore rock Cas and Alfie’s eyes both say the same thing: Get us out of here.

They all sit down in a booth at the diner. When he looks at Anna her eyes flash with worry. Cas follows her gaze and sees Michael.

Michael is sitting three tables away with Bela Talbot. His back is to Cas, but Bela sees him looking and winks.

Bela is the kind of person Balthazar could definitely take some advice from. She’ll get with anyone, guy or girl but only on one condition: the person has to be fresh from a serious break-up. There something she likes about the fragile state of someone on the rebound.

“I guess Michael’s finally gone the predicable route,” she says. In all his break-ups with Anna he never once went to Bela. But things have changed.

“What a loser,” Chuck says, probably because he thinks he has to.

“He’s not,” Cas says.

“So what’s everybody getting to eat?” Alfie interjects. Alfie is one of those people who hates conflict and would do anything to keep the peace.

The whole outing is unbearably boring. All they talk about is school and home. The trips to the diner used to be fun for everyone not just two people.

He blames Chuck. And Anna, for being with Chuck and turning into this thing he doesn’t even recognize.

He can see Anna occasionally glance at Michael.

After they all finish their food they get up and play on the pinball machines. Cas and Alfie take turns on one of them while Chuck and Anna share the other one, each controlling one flipper. Sometimes Chuck will go it alone and Anna cheers him on.

Fifteen minutes after they start playing, Michael and Bela come up to them.

“What are you gay boys doing?” he asks Alfie and him.

“Who are you calling gay, loser?” Chuck shouts.

“Chuck, I think he was talking to us.” Cas interjects.

But of course, Michael won’t let it go. He slaps a quarter on Chuck’s machine and says, “I’ve got next game.”

Cas admits he wants to see how this is going to turn out. He steps back from his pinball machine and watches as Michael eyes Chuck through his whole game.

Bela steps beside him. “What are you doing Bela?” Cas asks.

She smiles suggestively. “Who says I’m doing anything?”

“Are you two a thing now?”

She shrugs. “Not really. He just needed someone to talk to. And he’s got plenty to talk about, obviously.”

They both look over at him glaring at Anna and Chuck. Chuck is clearly uncomfortable but he won’t back down. So he plays a tense game of pinball and ends with a measly 8,000 points.

That’s when Cas knows Chuck is screwed. Michael is really, really good at pinball. And he wants it. Bad.

Even Anna knows what’s going to happen. She puts her hand on Chuck’s shoulder, ready to comfort him when Michael beats the crap out of him.

Seeing Anna put her hand on Chuck makes Michael push harder. Usually when Michael plays pinball he shouts, telling the ball to move left or bounce right. This time he’s quiet, focused. And Cas knows how he’s made himself so focused.

Chuck is the ball.

And Michael’s going to whack the hell of it.

The numbers go up. Six thousand, seven thousand. Chuck leans in to check the score.

Whether Chuck’s leaning in does it or Michael’s reaction to Chuck leaning in is something the world may never know. Whatever happened, the ball leaned a little to the left and fell between the flippers.

“You tilted me!” Michael shouts at Chuck, pointing one hand at him.

“That was all you,” Chuck shouts back. He knocks Michael’s hand out of his face.

“Chuck, don’t do this.” Anna pleads.

“Stay out of it,” Chuck snaps.

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Michael says.

Chuck shoves Michael away from the machine. Michael shoves back, knocking Chuck’s baseball cap off. Alfie jumps between them, singing “Why Can’t We Be Friends” at full volume.

Cas bursts out laughing. He told Alfie once that the best way to break up a fight is to jump between the two people and sing a random song.

It works. Michael and Chuck back off. Anna grabs Chuck’s arm and pulls him back to their booth. Bela does the same, wrapping an arm around his waist when Anna turns back to look.

“Nice job, Alfie.” he tells him.

“It was either that or Bob Marley.”

They decide it’s time to take a break from everyone else. So tomorrow, they’ll hit the mountain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Hitting the Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay several things:
> 
> 1) Sorry for the late, late update. I've been really busy with school, and I've never had the chance to just sit down and type out the whole thing. So this chapter has just been sitting around unfinished for a while.  
> 2) If you guys want I can post updates and chapter statuses on my tumblr: [Link](http://thesongofdestiel.tumblr.com/)  
> 3) Once I post the chapter after this I'll be going on a small hiatus. Not too long, I just want to focus on school and work on some other fanfics. I'll probably get back to this some time in October, latest by Thanksgiving.
> 
> P.S. This is the calm before the storm.

 

Alfie and him discovered that the best thing a straight guy with religious parents could do is tell them he’s gay.

                                                                                                                  

Before Alfie’s parents knew he was gay they wouldn’t even let him talk with a girl. Now if he even mentions a girl’s name they practically hand him a condom.

 

Gabriel and Cas wait in a Laundromat parking lot a few blocks from Alfie’s house. Alfie tells his parents he’s going to a party with Jo Harvelle. They give him spending money and practically kick him out the door.

 

When he gets to the car Cas throws him some hiking gear and he changes. Gabriel tells them to have fun and drops them off at the mountain.

 

It’s not really a mountain. More like a hill. But for two suburban gay boys, it’s as exciting as climbing Mount Everest.

 

It was Alfie who introduced it to him. They had been hanging out for a few a weeks when Alfie said he had a place he wanted to show him. They walked an hour from his place to get to it. Cas was amazed how he’s passed it a million times and never wondered what was inside.

 

“How’s Dean?” Alfie asks as they set off down the path.

 

“Great. I miss him.”

 

“Do you wish he were here?”

 

“No.”

 

“Good.”

 

After a few moments of silence Alfie asks, “How are things with Balthazar?” in a non-judgmental voice.

 

“I don’t know. Before he treated me like crap. Now he needs me. Soon he won’t need me anymore and go back to treating me like crap.”

 

Alfie is silent. Then he says, “Are you sure this is healthy?”

 

“I’m glad he’s opening up and being honest with himself—”

 

“I don’t mean for him,” Alfie cuts him off. “I mean for you.”

 

Cas looks at him, confused. “He’s the one who needs help. Why would it be unhealthy for me?”

 

Alfie shrugs.

 

“It’s different this time. It doesn’t mean everything to me.”

 

“Did you know it was going to mean that much last time?”

 

Cas can answer that with complete confidence. “Of course. That’s what falling in love is about.”

 

Alfie sighs. “Wish I knew,” he mutters.

 

Cas wishes with a burning passion that Alfie had a Dean. The worst part about it is that it’s not like Alfie doesn’t long for someone to be close with. It’s just his longing doesn’t have a face or name.

 

“You’ll find someone,” Cas assures him.

 

“And the first thing I’ll say is, ‘What took you so long?’”

 

They reach the steepest incline. “So what’s going on with you?”

 

“Nothing much.”

 

“And how are you?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Alfie, talk to me.”

 

Alfie sighs. “You know, sometimes I wish I had your life.”

 

Cas frowns. “It’s not that great.”

 

“Really? You have parents that accept you, a boyfriend who cares for you, and friends who are there for you. Sounds pretty great.”

 

“My life’s not that simple,” he protests.

 

“But you get by.”

 

 

“So do you.”

 

“Sometimes.”

 

It scares Cas when Alfie talks like this. He’s heard cases like this before, where people kill themselves and their families say that they loved them. But if they said it more when they were alive, they might not by dead.

 

“I love you, you know.” Cas says, perhaps a little awkwardly. “You’re one of the best people I know.”

 

Alfie just brushes off the compliment like he does with all compliments, but he says, “I’m glad we came.”

 

They hit the peak. As they do Cas thinks of Dean. Of Balthazar, of Anna, of Chuck.

 

They turn back around and head to the main path. As they do, Alfie ask for a hug. Cas thinks he needs it, would do anything to ease the burden of his friend’s shoulders.

 

Cas pulls away and looks at Alfie’s face. It’s frozen, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. Alfie’s looking over Cas’s shoulder at someone. Cas looks back and sees two adults gawking at them.

 

One of them is a woman. “Alfie?” she asks.

 

It’s ridiculous because she doesn’t need to ask.

 

She’s his mother’s best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
